What are you thinking about?

In the field of pediatrics people often ask for my thoughts on a variety of things. For example, "Dr. Bailony, what's the best crib to buy?" When a child comes to my office with ear pain, after taking a peak at his eardrum, it is my job to offer my opinion on what I see. One thing I have found critical to success though is the opposite of the aforementioned, namely my understanding of the patient. I can use the tools that I have gained over the years to properly diagnose an illness, but if I cannot connect with the person I am diagnosing, then I might as well just not show up to my office. 

With this in mind, I have compiled a list of the things that I imagine my young patients thinking when I am in the examining room with them. This is a humorous list and is not based on actual thoughts. If you want to actually know what your child is actually thinking you should join Snapchat :)

  • Newborn thoughts: 

    • "What on earth is this man doing to my hips??" 
    • "In case you are wondering, I do not actually think my uncle is the cutest, I just have no control over my clothing choices"
    • "Oh you want to check my diaper? How about I leave you this little present then"

  • 9 month thoughts

    • "If you are not going to let me eat that stethoscope, then I really do not see the point of it; so you might as well just put it away"
    • "That is a nice dress shirt, but it would look nicer covered in drool"
    • "How on earth do you also know how to play peek a boo. Are you a wizard of some sort?"

  • 15 month thoughts

    • "Did anyone else here just see satan himself walk into this room and sit on that stool?... No?... It was just me?...  I don't care, if he gets close to me I will punch him"
    • "Thank the lord, he's finally gone. The bad part must be over...."

  • 2 year thoughts

    • "No"
    • "No"
    • "NO"

  • 4 year thoughts

    • "Why does this man keep using the word vaccine, and what does it mean?"
    • " Im starting to warm up to this man of endless stickers"

  • 6-8 year thoughts

    • "I find this doctors maturity level to be strangely on par with mine"
    • "Does this place sell hot Cheetos?"

  • 10-13 year old thoughts

    • "He better not still offer me a sticker... I still want one... I just don't want to seem immature"
    • "Does this place sell hot Cheetos?"

  • 16-18 year thoughts

    • "Huh?... We're at the doctor’s office?... He's in the room??... He's been asking me questions??... I’m sorry; I was looking at my Snapchat"
      Artwork by Saleh Heneidi

    • "Like everything this dude says is LOL.... OMG is he wearing that?... LMAO"

  • 18 year + thoughts

    • "I think I'm too old to be here. There's Mickey Mouse on the wall, and my doctor is wearing a Batman belt"

    While the thoughts above are obviously a joke, understanding my patients is not. The best part of doing what I do is interacting with kids. When you are 4 years old, you genuinely believe that you can grow up and become Batman, or the president of the USA. In a world where most of the rest of my life is filled with meeting jaded adults, it is the magical thoughts of children that keep me young. 

    Heres to staying young...


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